FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
CERN Cultists summon Cthulhu transition chair
GENEVA, Switzerland – August 16, 2016 – Cthulhu cultists working at the European Organisation for Nuclear Research (CERN) successfully summoned the entity who will head Cthulhu’s transition team when He is elected President of the United States in November.
The nameless entity, rumored by some to be Yog-Sothoth, was called forth at the witching hour in record time thanks to weak trans-dimensional barriers – the result of countless particle experiments at the facility.
The hurried ceremony was filmed by a student who managed to upload it before taking a leave of absence from his position.
Not to be outdone, Hillary Clinton called upon conservative Democrat Ken Salazar to chair her transition committee. While not an abomination from beyond the mortal realm, he is certain to disappoint many base Democratic voters with his strong free trade, fracking and corruption credentials.
“All we ask of voters on the left is to look at the honest policies we offer over Hillary,” said campaign manager Eminence Waite. “If climate change is a concern, would you rather have it continue under haphazard policies or would you see Earth’s terraforming be completed by a steady, competent tentacle?”
