KINGSPORT STAR HERALD – April 2, 2018
WASHINGTON, DC – Hours after Cthulhu announced his intention to sponsor China, debris from Chinese space station Tiangong-1 fell on the outskirts of sunken continent R’lyeh. Located in the southern Pacific Ocean, R’lyeh is Cthulhu’s private domain.
Tiangong-1, translated as “Heavenly Palace 1,” mostly burned up in the atmosphere at 8:16 PM EDT over the southern Pacific Ocean. The parts that did not, however, have caused an international incident.
Cthulhu cult spokesman Samir al-Azrad said this was an intentional act by President Xi Jinping to dissuade the Dread Lord Cthulhu from usurping his position as President-for-Life of the People’s Republic of China. “The message couldn’t be more clear. The reply to Cthulhu’s offer of divine assistance was a pile of hydrazine-contaminated garbage dropped on his – for lack of a better word – lawn.”
This incident has lead the Cthulhu Cult to re-think their move to China and left Chinese diplomats scrambling to find a diplomatic solution – one that would not require the sacrifice of millions of their own citizens.