KINGSPORT STAR HERALD – June 8, 2016
LOS ANGELES, California — Independent presidential candidate Cthulhu is making a pitch to supporters of Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders.
“Those who have felt the ‘Bern’ yearn for the heat and passion of change. The Democratic party has rejected them. What better next step for them than to burn everything down?” Cthulhu said Wednesday on KTLA’s “Sunny Morning” program.
Cthulhu said he is the “ultimate alternative” to Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, the presumptive nominees for the Democrat and Republican parties, pointing out that the DNC’s denigration of millennials and constant “unity” trolling was more than enough impetus for them to join the apocalypse.
“They’re angry at a system that they are unable to dislodge. Our campaign is all about global, permanent change,” said Cthulhu, who has, in the past, had several confrontations with then-Mayor Sanders in Vermont.
He also went on to attack Clinton’s evil credentials saying that her kill count was pathetically only in the thousands. Cthulhu has been stepping up his attacks on both Trump and Hillary this week as the primary race wound down.
“They have every right to seek revenge. And we will deliver it,” Cthulhu said.
Clinton on Tuesday night coronated herself the presumptive Democratic nominee after winning several mysteriously problematic state elections. In her rambling, platitude-filled victory speech she made clear that surrender was the only option for Sanders’ followers.
Trump similarly made a bid for Sanders supporters on Tuesday night, saying he would welcome those “who have been left out in the cold by a rigged system of superdelegates.” Third-party candidates from the Green and Libertarian parties have also made similar entreaties.
