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When you step on an ant, do you care what color it was? What gender? What function in ant society it played? Or do you continue on with your day not giving it a thought — if you even noticed the ant at all?

That is how Cthulhu views humanity. He does not see race. He does not see sexual orientation or shape or smell or tentacle length. They are but minor genetic variations in a doomed species.

However, Cthulhu also realizes that humanity is irrevocably obsessed with these minor squabbles. Cthulhu will lead by example.

Through the madness of his Call and through mastication by his consumptive orifice, humanity will know equality brought on by the apocalypse.

“There are many places where Americans of different shapes and colors are targeted for violence. There are still too many young people out there feeling hopeless and alone. As President it will be my job to target humanity with violent consumption – equally. It will be my job to ensure that youths join their elders in my dark gullet — still hopeless, but not alone.”


July 24, 2016

No matter if you are a social justice warrior or a hardcore racist, Cthulhu will Call for you. And you shall be eaten.

As president, Cthulhu will:

  • Eat humans without regard to skin color.
  • Eat humans without regard to sexual orientation.
  • Eat humans without regard to age.
  • Eat humans without regard to ethnicity.
  • Eat humans without regard to country of origin.

In addition to identity politics, Cthulhu also finds issues of religious equality important to a world cleansed of the human taint:

  • Religious liberty demands that human sacrifice be made legal.
  • Belonging to a Cult of Cthulhu should not automatically put you on an unaccountable government watch list.
  • No tomes should be forbidden, or considered “blasphemous.”


What do Democrats and Republicans think?

Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton

uses identity politics to appeal to various subgroups and through that division gain power.

Hillary Clinton

Donald Trump

also uses divisions to garner power, albeit very clumsily.