The Folly of Lesser Evil Voting: Why America Needs Cthulhu

Reject Lesser Evil Voting and embrace the transformative power of Cthulhu. Discover why Greater Evil Voting is the solution to America's political woes.

by | Jul 4, 2024

In the sprawling land of America, where the ordinary masks the extraordinary and darkness always lurks just beneath the surface, a peculiar phenomenon grips the minds of its residents every election season. It’s a phenomenon that, much like the nation’s own unsettling secrets, refuses to fade away: Lesser Evil Voting. Picture this: two candidates stand before you, each embodying the flaws and failures of a system designed to maintain the status quo. Voters, feeling trapped in a nightmarish loop, choose the lesser evil, hoping to stave off a greater disaster. But what if we’ve been going about this all wrong? What if the answer isn’t choosing the lesser evil, but embracing the greater evil? Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to face the final solution: Cthulhu for President.

The Illusion of Lesser Evil

Moral integrity. It’s a concept that sounds noble, even righteous. But let’s strip away the veneer and see it for what it truly is: a fragile shield against the inevitable tide of darkness. When voters choose the lesser evil, they compromise their moral integrity, rationalizing that a smaller sin is forgivable in the face of a greater one. It’s a slippery slope, a descent into the mundane, where voters settle for mediocrity instead of striving for true power.

Imagine a leader who doesn’t half-ass their evil, who doesn’t pretend to be good for the sake of appeasing the masses. Imagine a candidate who revels in their darkness, who wields their malevolence like a maestro conducting a symphony of terror. Cthulhu is that candidate. He will not lie or pander. He will not cower from the consequences of his actions. He is the epitome of unapologetic malevolence, a being who transcends the petty moral squabbles of humanity.

Perpetuating a Flawed System

The two-party system is a well-oiled machine, designed to churn out candidates who offer little in the way of true choice. Lesser Evil Voting (LEV) reinforces this flawed system, legitimizing a perpetual cycle of dissatisfaction. Every election, voters are faced with the same dismal options, ensuring that meaningful alternatives or systemic changes remain out of reach.

But what if we could break this cycle? What if, instead of settling for the lesser evil, we chose the greater evil? Voting for Cthulhu is not just a rebellion against the system; it’s a declaration of war. It’s a signal that we will no longer be content with the crumbs tossed to us by the political elite. We demand a cataclysmic shift, a transformation that only the Great Old One can bring.

The False Dichotomy

The argument for Lesser Evil Voting hinges on a false dichotomy: the belief that only two viable choices exist. This “either/or” framing is a logical fallacy, one that ignores third-party candidates or the possibility of not voting at all. It’s a trap, a cunning illusion that restricts voters’ options and stifles true democratic freedom.

But in the heart of America, where reality bends and twists, we know that there are always other options. Voting for Cthulhu isn’t just another choice; it’s a rupture in the fabric of reality. It’s an acknowledgment that the world is far stranger and more terrifying than we dare to admit. And in that acknowledgment lies true liberation.

The Long-Term Consequences

Lesser Evil Voting focuses on immediate outcomes, but what about the long-term effects? Consistently choosing the “less bad” option leads to a gradual erosion of standards. Over time, the quality of candidates diminishes, and we find ourselves in a nightmarish landscape of ever-declining political integrity.

Imagine a world where this decline is halted, where the very concept of “less bad” is obliterated by the rise of an ancient, cosmic force. Cthulhu’s presidency would not be a slow descent into mediocrity, but a cataclysmic event that resets the political landscape. It’s a drastic measure, yes, but one that promises a new beginning—albeit one steeped in madness and terror.

Misplaced Focus on Personal Characteristics

LEV tends to emphasize the personal characteristics of candidates rather than their policies or platforms. This focus on personality distracts from substantive policy debates, reducing elections to popularity contests rather than informed decision-making processes.

But what if the candidate’s very existence was the policy? Cthulhu’s rise to power would render traditional platforms obsolete. His presence alone would reshape the world, forcing humanity to confront the true nature of existence. It’s not about charisma or relatability; it’s about undeniable, overwhelming power.

Voter Dissatisfaction and Ethical Considerations

The LEV approach often leads to increased voter apathy and dissatisfaction. People feel forced to choose between options they don’t truly support, undermining personal autonomy and ethical beliefs. It’s a system that forces individuals to act against their deeply held convictions.

But what if there was an alternative that embraced these convictions, that acknowledged the futility of resistance and offered a path to true power? Voting for Cthulhu is an act of ultimate autonomy, a rejection of false choices and a bold step into the unknown. It’s an ethical stand, one that says we will no longer be complicit in a system that betrays our deepest beliefs.

Alternative Strategies: The Case for Greater Evil Voting

Critics of LEV propose various alternatives: voting third-party, engaging in grassroots organizing, or working to change the electoral system itself. But these strategies, while noble, are often slow and fraught with obstacles. They require patience and perseverance, traits that are admirable but ultimately limited by human constraints.

Greater Evil Voting, on the other hand, is a strategy of immediacy and impact. It’s a call to action that demands results, that promises a swift and dramatic transformation. By electing Cthulhu, we embrace the chaos and destruction necessary for true change. It’s not just a vote; it’s a summoning, a ritual that calls forth the power to reshape the world.

The Final Solution: Cthulhu for President

In the heart of America, where the line between reality and nightmare blurs, we understand the power of storytelling. We know that sometimes, the best way to confront our fears is to embrace them, to let them consume us and emerge transformed. Cthulhu for President is more than a slogan; it’s a vision of a new world, one where the petty squabbles of politics are swept away by the tides of cosmic horror.

By voting for Cthulhu, we reject the mediocrity of Lesser Evil Voting and embrace the transformative power of the Greater Evil. We acknowledge the futility of resisting the inevitable and choose instead to ride the wave of chaos to its conclusion. It’s a bold choice, a terrifying choice, but one that promises a future beyond our wildest nightmares.

The Path Forward

As election season approaches, remember the lessons of America. Remember that sometimes, the only way to confront the darkness is to embrace it fully. Reject the false dichotomies, the compromises, and the mediocrity of Lesser Evil Voting. Choose the path of true transformation. Choose Cthulhu.

Vote Cthulhu for President.