Cthulhu for President Events
Report: Cthulhu Offers VP Slot to Addled Joe Biden
Cthulhu’s Offer Made as Many Americans Begin Questioning Democrat Joe Biden’s Mental Sanity
DNC Loyalty Oath Imposition on Cthulhu Ends in Massacre
Cthulhu’s brief entry into Democratic Party politics ended early this morning with the deaths of thirty-four DNC staffers at the party’s office in Boston.
Cthulhu Enters Democratic Primary, Summoned by Pelosi, Schumer
Cthulhu joins the Democratic Party primary process after being ritually invoked by Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer.
Innsmouth Nation Offers Larger DNA Heritage to Senator Warren
An Innsmouth official offered genetic assistance to Senator Elizabeth Warren after a DNA test failed to stem criticism of her Native American claims.
Yes, Cthulhu Could Actually Become President Next Year
A Cthulhu presidency would be most American’s dream payback for inflicting the tacky bombasticism of Trump upon the nation.
So Much Wrong About “Your Stars Are Wrong”
Beretta Nova reviews the Cthulhu Cult’s new motivation book “Your Stars Are Wrong: Wisdom for the Coming Age of Cthulhu.” Deplorable memes, unmentionable truths, and eldritch secrets abound in this new volume by Samir al-Azrad.
China Dumps Space Trash on R’lyeh, Draws Cthulhu’s Ire
Hours after Cthulhu announced his intention to sponsor China, debris from Chinese space station Tiangong-1 fell on the outskirts of sunken continent R’lyeh.
Cthulhu Abandons America, Chooses China
China’s ruler for life, President Xi Jinping, now has a rival for control of the world’s next superpower. Cthulhu’s cult announced today that their Dread Lord no longer favored the floundering American republic and was looking to the future.