So Much Wrong About “Your Stars Are Wrong”

Beretta Nova reviews the Cthulhu Cult's new motivation book "Your Stars Are Wrong: Wisdom for the Coming Age of Cthulhu." Deplorable memes, unmentionable truths, and eldritch secrets abound in this new volume by Samir al-Azrad.

by | Jul 18, 2018


By Beretta Nova

Leave it to the Cthulhu Cult to put an end to the plague of pie-in-the-sky, feel-good, eat-love-pray genre of pabulum publications littering bookstore shelves. “Your Stars are Wrong” is very much a product of our time. With the political left clamoring for war, the right pursuing peace, and global hysteria at an all time high this book is perfectly in tune with our late-stage civilization.

Having covered the increasingly brazen Cthulhu Cult since 2016, it comes as no surprise that they would continue their public reassertion into society. Much like Cambridge Analytica, ShareBlue, and the Internet Research Agency, the Cult has focused on online persuasion techniques. Openly contemptuous of human political parties, the Cult has been using its marketing prowess to push our society toward… What exactly? A raging, amoral Cthulhuvian dystopia? Is it any different than the raging, amoral corporate dystopia in which we are currently entrapped?

With this book, by long-time Cthulhu press secretary Samir al-Azrad, we glimpse the shape of the world the Old Ones want to craft. With exhortations like “a willingness to break all natural laws brings success” it reads like a Cliff’s Notes rendition of an infamous sorcerer’s grimoire. Meme-worthy bites of eldritch knowledge litter the pages, leading the reader on a counter-social journey that, if one is not wary, is capable of rearranging your mind. While not as potent as, say, deciphering a decaying copy of the John Dee translation of the Necronomicon, it is still a wild trip to peruse this unapologetic display of demotivational acumen. These dank proverbs are accompanied throughout by renditions of Cthulhu (in his presidential avatar) and other unmentionable weirdness.

In the preface Samir explains “It’s my sincerest desire that this mere fraction of my ancestor’s distilled wisdom will percolate through society and catalyze a re-evaluation of the misleading pablum on display every #MondayMotivation, #WednesdayWisdom, and #ThursdayThoughts.”

With the world so focused on Trump upending the world order, will anyone notice that order being eaten from within by Cthulhu’s Cult? There is no doubt the times, they are a-changin’ with Cthulhu’s savvy (and scary) cultists at the forefront, guiding us right where the Old Ones want us.

“Your Stars Are Wrong” is available on Amazon.

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