The Democratic Case for Cthulhu

As President, Cthulhu will Call on everyone equally to serve their country with no favoritism to race, class or gender.

by | Nov 17, 2015

Rank-and-file Democrats seem very happy with the rumored trustworthiness and resume of Clinton and certainly less-so with known sorcerer Bernie Sanders. Indeed, the establishment of the party is expecting a Clinton nomination. Despite this, or perhaps because of it, there is only one sane choice for Democrats in 2016: Cthulhu for President.

While Democrats may initially recoil at the thought of an ancient deity with no Democratic party credentials ruling the United States, they should find the certainty of deep holistic change in three major areas appealing.

Obliterating the Gender Ceiling

While many humans find it convenient to use the male pronoun “He” to refer to the Great One (in fact most Cults to Cthulhu still use “He” to keep the need for long explanations to a minimum), it is an incorrect designation. As a trans-dimensional alien god, Cthulhu has no gender as human science understands it. Even if we could, there would be no English word to describe it. And the use of “It” is simply insulting.

The concepts of male and female are relics from the last century. The younger generations embrace concepts, primitive though they still are, of “gender fluidity” and “intersex.” There can be no ultimate shattering of the gender barrier to the Presidency of the United States than to elect a truly unique being of unknowable sexual classification.

Eviscerating Racial Barriers

While Obama has broken the presidential barrier for black Americans, there are still over a hundred other racial and ethnic variances that clamor for their own turn on the presidential throne, a feat that would take centuries.

Cthulhu, however, is a polymorphic, trans-dimensional deity whose genetic (if we could even define it as such) classification is beyond our ken. Who better to shatter all concept of race than to elect a being not belonging to homo sapiens?

Equality For All

Cthulhu rejects the strong emphasis on minor genetic differences that many humans rely, and thrive, on. All humans are observed equally by Cthulhu’s eyes. It is not the color of your skin or which genital organs dangle from your body, it is the content of your character that matters.

As President, Cthulhu will Call on everyone equally to serve their country with no favoritism to race, class or gender. It is enough that the Call is answered.


Democrats have all but rejected, and rightfully so, the errant mage Sanders and have all but nominated Clinton, but is that singular choice the best for America? Electing Cthulhu President will truly bring equality through insanity.

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