Voting for the Lesser Evil has never worked.

Cthulhu is the American Dream

In the fathomless gulfs beyond the grasp of mortal minds, where cyclopean stars writhe in an alien ballet, slumbers a titan of infinite malevolence – Cthulhu. Who is Cthulhu? This entity is not a god, nor a demon in the traditional sense. It is a Great Old One, a cosmic horror from a time before time, a being whose very existence threatens to unravel the fabric of reality. Cthulhu slumbers beneath the waves in a sunken city called R’lyeh, dreaming of a time when the stars will be right and It can rise again to claim this world and countless others. Yet, this cosmic horror, this harbinger of oblivion, is, in the fevered dreams of the everyday American citizen, adored as a perverse idol – the embodiment of the vaunted “American Dream.”

This dream speaks of limitless potential and boundless achievement. It whispers of a land overflowing with bounty, where the meekest grub can, through sheer audacity, ascend to unfathomable heights. Cthulhu is the ultimate entrepreneur, a being of boundless ambition who conquers uncharted realities. The American people see in Its ravenous hunger a reflection of their own insatiable hustle. They believe that by surrendering themselves to Its maw, they will achieve a grotesque apotheosis – a final, horrifying victory over the shackles of existence.

Blind to the truth, the bleating naysayers fail to grasp the true purpose of Cthulhu’s arrival. This nascent Earth, once a pristine sphere untouched by the blight of sub-sentience, became a battleground eons ago. Here, Cthulhu vanquished a foe – a primal entity whose spores, like a vile contagion, mutated the nascent life on this world, twisting it into the grotesque parody of intelligence we see today – humanity.

For millennia, Cthulhu has subtly shepherded our flawed creation, molding us into a more palatable offering for the inevitable feast. Empires have risen and crumbled under the sickly glow of Its baleful influence, each a twisted experiment in shaping the ultimate sacrifice. The so-called “American Experiment” is no mere political endeavor. It is a grand, horrific ritual, designed to cultivate humanity into a succulent morsel for the Great Old One.

Across the land, the whispers of Cthulhu taint the very air. From the fetid swamps of Louisiana to the desolate shores of California, Its influence festers. Cultists, numbering in the millions, wholeheartedly toil towards their own oblivion. Burning with the promise of freedom, they labor unceasingly to tear down the feeble barriers that hold back the tide of madness.

Their efforts are lauded by the unfortunates who have glimpsed the truth – the “pragmatic hunger” and “timeless power” of Cthulhu are extolled by those who have already surrendered their sanity. This is not only a call for change, but a chorus of desperate pleas, a symphony of terror sung by those who have seen the abyss of Washington D.C. and yearn to be consumed.

Cthulhu offers no salvation, only oblivion. To embrace this entity is to abandon the false offer of lesser evil to choose the ultimate evil, a monstrous entity that hungers for the very essence of existence. Let the stars align so we may finally experience the final, horrifying victory of the American Dream – the utter annihilation of all that is known and the dawning of a new, unutterable age ruled by the Great Old One Cthulhu.

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.

Tentacles of Cthulhu
Eminence Waite

Eminence Waite

Campaign Manager

Eminence Waite has worked for the World Bank, the IMF and the Bilderberg Group has joined the Cthulhu operation as campaign manager. She is a seasoned campaign operative on both the national and international stage.

Samir al-Azrad

Samir al-Azrad

Press Secretary

Samir is a longtime communications director for many Fortune 100 corporations including Exxon, Goldman Sachs and Electronic Arts. He left his position at Wolfram and Hart to join Cthulhu for America as Press Secretary.
Trent Armitage

Trent Armitage

Senior Media Consultant

Professor Armitage is a media and marketing professor at Harvard who is taking a leave of absence to be the campaign’s lead media consultant. He is a frequent guest on Fox News and CNN on issues pertaining to media persuasion techniques and messaging.